Stranger Than Fiction - I Wish I Was Making This up!

Cancel Your Plans to Dig up Edmonton's Playgrounds Everyone!

No one will debate that, as a society, we need rules. Without rules, we have chaos. How lucky are we to have a City Council that understands this and continues to raise our taxes to pay a bunch of bureaucrats to provide the societal guidelines we so desperately need? Even if it means taking time away from priority issues to implement rules that no one asked for and, for issues no one knew were actual problems. If you disagree with these changes, I’m sure you can contact your City Councillor. They will likely be more than happy to dumb it down for you with passion and conviction. After all, in their view, it’s us, the citizens, who just don’t understand. 

I for one am thankful for this guidance. It wasn’t until I looked at the new changes to the Public Spaces Bylaw that I realized it was not okay to dig pits in school fields. There goes my weekend plans! I just hope I can get my deposit returned for the backhoe I rented. Thanks to the tireless efforts of the City, we managed to avoid a catastrophe! Thank goodness because these changes were not proposed in the previous iteration of the bylaw a year ago, nor were they asked for. Even the geniuses at City Hall almost missed this one, but a 6.1% tax increase allowed us to retain enough bureaucrats to make sure this didn’t slip through the cracks. 

Do you hate clearing snow? Great! Under these proposed changes that no one asked for, it will actually be illegal to shovel snow from the sidewalks next to your home. I haven’t seen the City offering discounts on snowshoes though. It must be because if you don’t already own several pairs, then you’re the fool. “Isn’t it illegal NOT to shovel your sidewalk?” you ask. I thought so too, but surely our government overlords have thought about this. Otherwise, I guess you're fined if you do, fined if you don’t. 

Edmonton City Council's Attempt to Define What "Natural Features" Means

These changes are not just about what you do to public spaces it also includes what you can and cannot do in public spaces. Thanks to the great minds at City Hall, we’ve now got a dozen ways you can be fined $250.00 for consuming legal products. When it comes to illegal drugs, it’s a mere $25.00 penalty for a lack of discretion. That’s cheaper than a night at the movies! I’ve even heard unconfirmed rumors that when Bylaw Officers write you a ticket, they refer to it as a “receipt” and ask if you’re collecting frequent high-er points. 

Edmonton City Council's new Fine Schedule

Want to ride a bike? Don’t forget to check out my handy flowchart to see where you can ride your bike. It’s confusing for now, but if you read to page 188 of the report, you’ll notice that the goal is to encourage bikes to ride on roads so they can justify lowering the speed limits again next year even lower than previously. I guess 40 km/h is too fast and The City wants everyone to move at the speed of government. 

Where Can You Ride Your Bike in Edmonton?

Edmonton Bike Network Coverage

It’s not just the Public Spaces Bylaw they’re changing to improve your life, it’s also the Business License Bylaw. No more worrying about getting stabbed at a transit station, because two (2) years from now, businesses will no longer be able to sell knives, unless they are specifically licensed to do so. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but everyday people like you and I are simply not smart enough to understand the trickle-down effects of these changes. That’s why they get paid the big bucks and we should be thankful to even have a job at all. 

It’s possible their abysmal job creation track record is economic brilliance, designed to encourage you to start your own business. Just remember that when you obtain a business license, you are granting the City permission to enter your business at any time, even if it’s a home-based business. This change was passed along with the license changes for the sale of knives. This isn’t something anyone asked for but, it does apply to all businesses. Refusing their entry is also an infraction. I wish I could give you more context, but I don’t recall hearing any City Councillors ask any questions about this change. It might seem like these are unrelated, but rest assured, City Council only has our best interests in mind. In Council we trust.

Entry Without Notice?

At this point in the blog, I feel compelled to remind you that I wish I was making this all up. There’s no shortage of issues in Edmonton that our City Council could focus on and resolve, but these are some of the priorities they have chosen instead. Is Edmonton City Council simply unaware of the bylaws they are approving?

I think City Council and the Administration have come up with solutions for problems that don’t exist, so they amend the solutions to apply more broadly. In doing so, they fail to understand the implications these “solutions” have on other policies. 

Throughout my campaign, I’m trying very hard not to tell people what values they should look for in a City Councillor. I prefer to hear from people about their priorities rather than provide them with a list of what I think should be important to them, which conveniently matches the traits I have to offer. However, I also think it’s important for a City Councillor to have a basic understanding of what they’re doing. Otherwise, we get Councillors that accidentally support making it illegal to clear snow from your sidewalks. 

What do YOU think?